So, What Are You Going To Be When You Grow Up?

 "Dear Self,
It is okay to say, NO.
You don't need to explain.
You don't need to justify.

You do not need to break your back for others to stand.

Take care please,
Self."
-Naturallykbiggie, Saying No + Meaning it

This is for every senior in college who has been routinely plagued with this question for the past 20 odd years of our lives. This is for the timid pause we take when trying to answer immediately. This is for every "girl, you graduate in a year. You better figure it out" response. This is for the respectable answers we give to please distant family members and friends. This is for the anxiety attack I had at work yesterday when trying to seriously sit down and plan out my entire life.

This is for....me.

I DON'T KNOW.
I am trying to learn that it is okay not to know.
I mean it's crazy really. You spend 12 years in school, walking in straight lines and raising your hand to go to the bathroom. You dream of these jobs that you soon realize you don't like or can't imagine pursuing...then you're thrown into college. You're told to pick a major at freshman orientation. So you do. Then you change your major a year down the line to something you really love. You find yourself.
And one day, you open your eyes and graduation is tomorrow and you don't know how to take that next step.

So, I'm writing this mainly to convince myself.
It is okay Kier.
You don't know where life may take you, which career path, what grad school, what state, living arrangements, what company, freelance, bills? WHAT MONEY?
You don't know. And I am trying to learn that it is okay not to know.

I want the people who read this to know that your emotions are valid!
Cry. I did.
Pout. I did.
Get Angry. I did.
Spend some time alone. I did.

Then I want you to grab a cold glass of water and take a walk. Seriously. I want you to focus on your breath, deep inhales + slow exhales. You need a spiritual experience. Talk to God, meditate, pray, do whatever it is you need to.
Then I want you to talk to yourself. I asked myself yesterday, "What's with me cutting more slack for others than I do myself?"

I need you to think about yourself right now. Not what others want you to be, or where they want you to go. I need you to think about you right now. I need you to grab a pen and a notebook and I need you to plan. Take your time. Come up with options. Talk to a mutual, levelheaded confidant. Now take a break. I need you to eat, drink more water, and get a good nights sleep.

Most importantly, I need you to know that it is okay not to know.
Please take care.
~Naturallykbiggie